Little Boys

Well, I had to hide and cry again today. One of the nurses I work with had a visitor today. Her daughter-in-law and her newest grandbaby. An adorable little boy, he's just a few months old. I don't know why but when I see little boys I still feel the need to go cry. Not all the time, just some of the time. Just makes me miss my little boy that much more.

I've been doing better about keeping a smile in such situations. It's not that I'm not happy for other people with little boys, it's just heartbreaking at the same time.....

My Baby Dan

My Baby Dan...

.... was born on July 5, 2003. He lived for 6 months and 14 days, passing away on January 19, 2004. For the first two days of his life, we were not sure what was wrong. Had some respiratory difficulty, only required a little oxygen. His wrists were turned a little, and he kept his hands in a fist. The big problem was that he didn't cry to eat, and when I did try to feed him, he turned blue, he could not coordinate his breathing and sucking.

So when he was two days old, he was transferred to Children's hospital in Washington, DC. Daniel spent the next few weeks here. He was able to come home the day before he turned one month old.

The prognosis however was not good. Daniel was diangosised with a Mitochondrial Disorder. The specific type could not be determined. The diagnosis was based on the MRI results. We were sent home, knowing that Daniel would die, probably soon. He had to be tube fed, and required LOTS of medications. My poor little guy....

I will go into details more at a later time. Just a brief summary to get the blog up and running.

My son would have been three next week. I'm still having such a hard time dealing with his death. I have a wonderful two year old daughter also. If it wasn't for her in my life, I don't know where I would be. She will never take Daniel's place though.

Thank you for reading.