Well....I am no longer taking BCP, I think my husband knows. Kidding, I'm pretty sure he knows. So...my mind is confused already. I wanted to stop taking them so badly....I want so much to have another baby...a little brother/sister for my daughter. So...now that I stopped I was scared....Oh my God! What if I get pregnant....another lonnnnggg 8-9 months scared, worried, anxious. Can I go through that again? Worse yet - I cannot put another baby through what my son went through...what if this is genetic...something I carry? Well...I'm not pregnant...so then I got depressed. So..I go from being scared to get pregnant....to be scared not to get pregnant. While pregnant with my daughter...it was scary. We had to see a neonatologist...frequent US..and she had a chorid plexus cyst on her brain when I was 16 weeks. AHHH! Luckily it dissolved and all was well....just something else to cause us to worry.
Sometimes I think I should just go back on BCP....and not tempt fate. Things are OK now...I don't think they'll ever be "good"....and I know another baby won't take my sons place. Ughh! Why do things have to be like this??
Well....I better go swing with my daughter and DH.
2 comments:
Hi
I have just read your blog for the first time and I think it is great that you are sharing your story. My daughter died at 11 months old in March and I am going through a bit of a tough time at the moment. On the one hand it scares me to read of the intensity of emotions that still exist so long after one has lost a child but on the other I think that at least the memories are still strong. I have a friend whose son has Mytochondrial Disorder. He is now 2 1/2 years old. He is tubefed and is still at the level of a newborn. She was told in September 2 years ago that he would die soon. She has just had another baby and spent the whole pregnancy worrying about it as they told her it was hereditary too. Her baby is a girl and it does not seem to affect girls as much. We still don't know what the prognosis is for the baby, she appears to be ok. I hope to be able to put a picture of them on my blog soon. I don't know if you want to hear about babies with MD who have lived longer than your son. If not then I am sorry. The disorder is not that common though and I thought I would just make contact.
Regards
V.
V, thank you for your comment. Actually I search the net for information on other kids with Mitochondrial disorders. My son was diagnosed when he was 3 weeks old, and we were told he would only live a few weeks. He lived for 6 1/2 months..so I just have to be thankful for the extra time I felt we had. Those few months were rough, we almost lost him a few times before he died. I am grateful your friends son is doing ok. My second pregnancy was 8 months of worry, much as I'm sure your friends was. I wish them the best. Thanks for reading.
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