Monday blues....

Although I somewhat have the Monday blues, I'm actually having a good day with my daughter. So far. She's napping now, will probably be up shortly. I was having trouble logging on when she first went to sleep.

I started the blog because I had been reading other blogs about infant loss. And thought having a place to write down my thoughts would help. And in the few posts I have created it does. I always have these thoughts running through my head and I don't feel comfortable sharing them with family & friends. Sometimes its hard to put them all into words...without going into my whole story.

There are a few blogs I've been reading now for a few weeks. Sometimes it's hard to listen to other people's grief as well. Not because I don't care or have no concern.....just because you know how much that person is hurting as well. And you have all of the same feelings they do. Why do we have to go through things like this. Sometimes I think I'm at "peace" with everything....then there are days when I know I'm definitely NOT! I've been pretty down lately. I guess with Daniel's birthday and all. Friday will be the anniversary of when we finally were able to bring him home from the hospital. For most people that is suppose to be a joyous time. While it was joyous, that we were finally able to bring him home. It was so scarryy....
Tube feedings, medicines, heart monitors, oxygen, more medicine. That poor little guy was on so much medicine. Gosh...I don't know how I kept up. The tube feedings were every 3 hours. The pump ran for an hour then you had to shut the pump off, and disconnect the tube feeding. That meant after his 9pm feeding, we shut the pump off at 10pm and went to bed. Up at midnight for feeding and medicine, up at 1am to shut the pump off, up at 3 am to start it again, up at 4am to shut it off, and back up at 6am for feeding and medicine. We finally went to continuous feeds at night, which helped alot. That meant the feeding ran from midnight to 5am. Then a break before the 6 am feeding.

I'd do anything for that little boy though. Even if it meant a little sleep deprivation. Daddy had to work, I was lucky and had a leave of absence.

Well.....I could go on forever. I better stop before she wakes up. :)