It's almost here

Well, in two days it will be Baby Dan's 3rd birthday. My stomach's been in knots for a few days now. I keep trying to tell myself to focus on the happiness of that day. Even though he was having a little trouble, we had no idea what was wrong or how serious things were. We were still able to enjoy that day, even though Baby Dan was in the nursery, and not in the room with me. I was so happy. Even though I have my wonderful, incredible daughter, and things are "ok" now.....I don't think I'll ever be happy, free of grief....like I was those first few days. I have to work Wed....I'm sure it won't be easy. It is also my boss's first day back from vacation. So I'm sure she'll be in my office alot. Hope I can keep it together.